I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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