Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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