he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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