Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
