U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Floor bacon is actually really good
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
