Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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