I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
