Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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