around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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