i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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