So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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