I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There r osticjed everywhere
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
