we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
