I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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