Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
