He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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