Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
