Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
