I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
