Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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