I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
