The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Your penis caused this!
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