Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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