Moan for me like Helen Keller
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
