oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
