I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
