So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
