Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You ruined the universe
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
