hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
