I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
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