Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
