I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
