I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
