I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
