found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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