I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
