She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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