I haven't been this sober since birth.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
