mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
