i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
