tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You ate ashes out of my bong
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
