i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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