All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
