You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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