She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
