no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
