If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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