There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
