Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
two words: eviction party
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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