Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
